I always hate job hunting. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes I get a wild hair and see what else is out there, that I might be missing, if there’s anything better for my life during that moment. Craigslist generally offers no beacons of hope.
But searching for jobs when I have to – it just takes the fun out of it. It’s like the difference between waking up and thinking, “I feel productive today! I’m going to clean the house and make a bunch of delicious foods and be an overachiever and make all my friends jealous!” vs. the mandatory chores because – Oh shit! Your mom is coming to stay and will be there in two hours!
But over the last couple of days I have applied at Starbucks, for six different options spanning through three locations (that’s my three for the week), Joann’s Fabric (I hear that if you get hired there, you have to take a sewing class – very beneficial to me since I can barely figure out which part of the needle the thread goes through), the local Casino (which aside from the second-hand smoke would be optimal. Benefits and it’s pretty close to my home in the middle of nowhere), and I just applied to sell espresso machines for $16 an hour (I know, getting to work with espresso machines AND get paid bank – pretty sweet gig…still trying to figure out the catch). In a few hours I have someone expecting me to drop off a resume at a bar that my friend works at. I’m actually really rooting for that one. That’s going to be the one that is most fitting with my potential student schedule, and it involves tips. Can’t say no to tips!
However, I’m supposed to be entering my weekly searches, somehow, either online or via phone. However, I never seem to be able to have the option. When I tried last week it said I had missed my first week of filing, even though I had only applied for unemployment a few days prior, and this week it is saying the same again. I tried calling, but it told me I worked last week, which I didn’t.
I tried to go to Work Source to talk to someone, have an actual person tell me face to face what I am doing wrong, let them know I’m not trying to scam the system. The guy at information told me that no one at Work Source was actually trained by Work Source, they were all just there to point people to computers and information pamphlets. He said he could give me a number to call to get more information…which turned out the be the same number I would call in to file my weekly job hunts.
I tried every combination of buttons I could think of to try and get to an actual person at other end of the line, and nothing worked! So I gave up.
Yesterday morning I had my freak out – just a bit. I have been so good recently about not freaking out about not having any source of income, telling myself it would be alright, things would happen the way they should, and so on. It worked for the first two weeks. But now I am freaking out. Now that I’ve had my last paycheck and it disintegrated into bills, knowing I don’t have any more income until I get this whole weekly job search filing under control (it’s not looking promising) – I am freaking out.
The good news is that it’s motivation to get my ass in gear and searching for more work. The bad news is that I don’t want to work.
OK, that isn’t entirely true. I do want to work. I am good at working. I have an excellent work ethic. When I go into a job, I like to learn it, understand it, and then climb the ladder. I feel stagnate when there is nowhere for me to climb. I go all in.
I know, you want to hire me now.
Here’s my problem:
I want to apply my work ethic to school. I don’t trust myself to be able to divide my attention between work and school, and just go all in for school and not for my job. I need to be at a job that I can just turn up, keep my head down, do my job, and then put all my energy into the hundreds of tedious hours of studying and school.
Ultimately, I think I want a job like at Applebees or something. I hate corporations, and so I think I can keep the job at arms length should I find something along those lines.
However, I know that my profile picture is adorable, and I look like I am screaming with responsibility, reliability, and professionalism, but corporations don’t see my true nature. They just see the dreads and piercings. That is appearance-ist. It has been known to hinder my ability to get jobs in the past. At the same time – I have been in positions of management three times all the while with my own unique look – so it is possible!
With that in mind, it is time to resume hunting.