The Interview

I won’t lie, I have yet to get an interview to a job that I actually one. The one at the casino might have been fun if it weren’t an hour commute, and the interview for the demonstrator wasn’t really an interview, just a checking that I was an actual person via phone. So today was interview day, for a job that I really wanted – a chance to expand my skills – and I can see it from my front porch across the field.

As I was getting ready for it, I realized my appearance. I am a firm believer that if a place doesn’t like the way I look, then I don’t want to work for them. Having said that, my dreads need tidying and I at least generally try to tone down my piercings with the clear spacers (compromise!). I found my stud to replace my nose ring, and one of my eyebrow piercings can come out without replacement, since I’ve had it for 11 years. The other one is a bit newer, and my lip bar needed a spacer too.

Except I couldn’t find the spacers.

Frantically, and as quietly as possible (my boyfriend pulled an all-nighter and was asleep in the office connected to the bathroom), I rummaged every box, drawer, cupboard – every place I could think of to find these stupid spacers.

At long last and a lot of noise, I found them. Of course they weren’t the ones I was looking for and a quarter inch each too long but at least I made the effort, and I’m sure that won’t go unnoticed.

Since dating my boyfriend who is a sugar addict (though has gotten better), I have gained weight. Like 20 pounds worth of weight. Buying clothes is never at the top of my list, since I don’t want to admit that I’ve gained so much weight by buying a size larger. As a result, my clothes which were once my interview clothes don’t fit, and all the rest of my pants have been worn so much that they all have holes in them.

Normally, my go-to would be a nice skirt that is cute but semi-bland, and quite professional. However, did I mention that this interview is to make goat cheese? As in, working on a farm. A skirt was probably not the look to impress.

What on earth do I wear????

I finally settled on my dark brown cords. Granted, they too have a hole just under the belt line on the side – a huge hole at that, but I managed to find a long hanging vest-type deal (I’m not hip to the jive with fashion lingo, so I don’t really know what you’d call it) to cover the hole entirely.

I went to check myself out in the mirror. I did a turn to see that I still looked professional in the back – but no. Of course not. There’s a nice big hole right under my left buttcheek. Wonderful.

Dear clothing deities – bring me corderoy that is holeless and perfect fitting. Just three pairs, that’s all I ask!

I went through all my pants again trying to find something that doesn’t have holes.

No. Luck. Whatsoever.

Thank **WarningExplicitLanguageHere** Fuck for tights. A pair of black tights under concealed both holes, or at least,made them less noticeable.

I left for the interview with plenty of time to spare – you know, doing the whole arriving early thing and all, though perhaps I should have left a little earlier – and thank goodness the weather was too crummy to walk!

I pulled up to the farm across the field from our house, unsure of where to go. I could see cows in the open barn, and the “Cheese Tastings Here!” sign waved in the breeze. A bearded gentleman spied me from the barn.

“Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for a Rhonda?”
“I’m Roger,” he said, more in an affirmation manner than an introduction.
“I’m here about the cheese opening.”
“We have an opening, but it’s not for cheese.”
“I’d spoken to her via email about goat cheese.”
“Oh you want Rhonda!”
“Yes.”
“I’m Roger.”
I was beginning to feel like I was going around in circles.
“She’s at Gothberg Farms, on Sunset.”
“Oh!” Things were beginning to click into place. The Craigslist ad nor the emails we had exchanged had listed where exactly the job was at.

I found the place, only a minute or two late, which was fine since she was on the phone as it was. She looked about my mom’s age, and definitely a farm lady. She gave me the introduction to the place, that the whole goat farm and cheese-making was her dream, and she’d built it herself.

She was really an amazing lady, really knowledgable, science based, confident, and a really fun chatter. It’s an all-lady staff, which I thought was really neat as well. Women looking after the goats, making the cheese, running the market – everything!

Unfortunately, due to going to school, she couldn’t take me on as a cheese maker, but was really interested in having me as a farmer’s market person, which suites me just fine for the moment.

I am so excited. This is a job that is perfect for me – working with a local business, promoting local, getting to see and know where the milk comes from and how the cheese is produced, and working with such an inspiring lady – I am pumped. Depending on how things go, I might maybe get to learn about how to make cheese – which I would ultimately love. We’ll see how it goes.

And I didn’t even take off my jacket, since the entire interaction was in a barn, so the hole under my butt cheek didn’t even get a chance of exposure. Bonus.

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