Bog Down

Over the last week and a half as been a series of mid-term exams. I’ve never had a problem with mid terms or really any big tests (well, by “never” I mean since returning to school), howeer, these shok mme. I got an 84% in my French written exam and a 90% on my Math midterm. With the heavy weight on both of these, I think that means I have lost my A in both of those classes, which means I have lost my 4.0.

This terrifies me. I found myself in an anxiety attack the other night, freaking out that this was the end of my ambtions to get into Durham University, that now I might as well look into the local University that I’m guarenteed to get into (because every one does). My mom tried to sooth me, but nothing she could say would make me feel any better. I had been watching my math quizzes slip over the last three weeks frm A’s to B’s. With my math class online, I don’t know how much I can ask my teacher about ways to improve my grade.

I had t findmyself a small dark corner to curl up in while I calmed down. I was partly shocked at my reaction, at my inability to find the bright side, that I couldn’t be positive that I was still above a 3.8 if I got these two B’s. There was no silver lining.

The next day I was loathed to get out of bed. While I was awake nice and early at 5, I couldn’t face getting out of bed and being a part of the world. But this time allowed me a chance to contemplate everything. I had a French oral exam appointment with my teacher, and I would use that time to ask her about extra credit opportunities. Then after class I would go to the math center to get help with logarithms (and how in the wold it is that they expect us to find an equation from looking at their graphs). I had a plan, and hopefully it would put me on track.

My French teacher seemed quite shocked that I should be displeased with my grade, and I wondered if she was aware that I for all that I participate quite a bit in class, sit in the front and have a rainbow of pens on my desk every day in class, I didn’t do as well as I had hoped on my mid term. She said there as no extra credit, I just needed to keep on with the material. I left her office with inward panic that I tried to conceal as I walked into my next class. As soon as I could, I looked at the sylabus and saw that thankully, the midterm and final were both combined worth 20% of the whole grade.

Howver, I have yet to make it into the math center. Ironically for some one who works in the Writing Center, I’m quite intimidated by the math side oo things. It’s alwys so busy, and I don’t know who will know the specifics of what I’m looking for. I unerstand what we have learned as far as Logarithms go, I just dont understand how to find the equations from the graphs. No where is it in the book, that I can find, and the videos our teacher posted speak qitte assumption tha we ar familiar with a particular formula, which I’m not. I talked to other people in other Math 99 classes, and none of them said they learned how to get an equation from a graph. I am at a loss.

So I am cowering in fear of my math homework. Here it is, Wednesday, and while I’ve been carting aound my math book all week, I haven’t dared open it and begin any of my lessons. I of course am shooting myself in the foot, but I aso put offf by last week I can’t bare the idea of being confused and frustrated all over again. It really is a vicious cycle, since my avoidance will just lead to more frustration.

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