Drained

I have never experienced anything like it. I have a few theories as to how it came about, I just know I’m still in the stages of recovery.

I could not get up yesterday. And when I say this, I don’t mean I was just tired and my bed was comfortable and I couldn’t be bothered. No no, far from it. I wanted to get up, I couldn’t do it. Eventually I did, and I got myself in the shower. I felt heavy, and not in an over weight sort of way, or sluggish from stuffing myself stupid, but in a way which felt as though every bone in me had been replaced by cement. I could barely lift my arms to get to the soap. I sat in the shower waiting for something to tell me I was clean enough that I could get out.

I managed to get out of the shower, and went straight back to bed. The best way to describe it was that I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I felt drained entirely of any life force I may have had. My focus began waning and my ability to form a sentence was non existent.

Some how I made it into class. I really have no idea how I did it. I really didn’t think I was going to be able to. And in all honesty, the only way I was able to get there was knowing that I really need a paycheck and I had a four hour shift in the Writing Center after my math class (which was thankfully my only class for the day). I got to the second floor and sat myself down, immediately breaking into a sweat. I couldn’t tell if it was just warm in the classroom or if it was a fever breaking.

Thankfully, as mentioned before, my math teacher lectures in a way that jives well for me. I was able to write notes and take in, for the most part, what was being said with minimal effort, which was just as well since I don’t think I would have been able to provide anything.

I got into the Writing Center, and immediately, Sherri, my boss wanted my opinion on something she was designing to be displayed on the computer screens on campus. She asked a myriad of questions, non of which I understood, and finally asked, “Any thought?”

“I have no thoughts,” I replied. I proceeded to tell her my state of being, which she mistook for lethargy. Eventually as we continued talking my brain emerged from the daze and I was able to contribute. Thankfully so – she also wanted me to sit in on another interview. I wasn’t as interactive for that as I was the previous day, but I think I managed to look alert and present for the most part.

During my shift my friend brought me some rose bath salts she made to help me out. The idea behind the roses is that they should be able to supply me with some energy, as would the bathsalts. They smelled divine. I almost lamented having to use them later on. I just wanted them to be with me all the time for me to sniff from time to time.

After my work shift I went to visit another friend of mine where she had put together a little package of stones and candles to help promote energy and get me going again. I ended up staying there for several hours, mostly because I didn’t trust myself to drive.

I left feeling slightly better, but still drained all the same.

I came home and went straight downstairs and took a bath in the deep fancy tub (which I didn’t even know was still capable of producing water until last night). I lit candles, burned rose incense and used the bath salts. I stayed in there until the water cooled, just breathing in the scents and indulging in the orange glow of the candles.

When I emerged I continued to relax in my little living space in mom’s basement by candle light for a couple more hours. I left my phone upstairs and just…existed.

I was feeling better by the time I went to bed – at 8, mind you, and was almost feeling up to making plans for the weekend, though thought better of it.

This morning I woke up with more energy, though feeling kind of sickly – the startings of a sore throat and a stuffy nose. However, my head and focus is better, and I have started the day with more rose incense, some strawberry and rose white and green tea, and simply relaxing. I want to go out into the world, but I think it would be wise to give myself one more day to chill.

It’s Amazing how quickly one can just collapse.

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