Done! I have finally turned in my paper re-write for my last class. I am officially done with winter quarter 2015. But! More excitingly, I’m done with my first completed year of College.
While I, of course, started the blog with high hopes of continuing on with my education to meet high goals and the like, in all honesty, there was a part of me that doubted I would stick through it as long as I have – never mind doing as well as I have, thus far.
What’s more, I also didn’t think I’d keep to this blog for so long either. I’m as surprised as you are! – well, probably more, since you probably had no projection of how long I would continue with this.
This quarter though, I don’t think that I’m going to get the 4.0 I’m after. There’s a part of me that has an inkling of hope that my essay is superbly amazing and she decides to give me an A in the class any way, but I’ve been busy coming to terms that this will be my one quarter that my feet dragged and that I can continue to be 4.0-amazing after this quarter.
While I did quite a bit of whining and complaining about the paper re-write, and in my last entry about it I might have been portraying a more positive attitude that I was in fact feeling, I actually do appreciate that she allowed me the re-write, and having actually compiled a whole new paper, I see exactly what she meant. My ideas were not focused, nor were they scholarly (though the potential was there), nor was it organized. For my new paper I chose a topic closer to the sources, did research that involved reading an article in French (though I didn’t really use it, it was just a good way to combine studying for my French final and working on this paper), and several analyses on French philosopher Henri Bergson. I felt better for it, and wrote a paper that I feel that I can be proud with, however dull the connections were that I made.
I also spoke a little bit with my boss in the Writing Center about my Humanities teacher’s idea of what an essay was (see my whole rant on the subject here). My humanities teacher told me that my paper consisted of my ideas with the sources used to support them, and it should be reversed. I brought this to my boss at the Writing Center, questioning if there was something I had been missing all this time (trying really hard not to complain, but just inquire), and she explained it as joining a conversation. Your ideas are joining in the conversation between the sources. When I looked at the paper from that angle, I felt more capable of meeting the expectations of my humanities teacher.
Either way, this nightmare of a quarter is done. Each quarter has seemingly gotten more and more stressful, but when I complete each one, I feel prouder of what I’ve achieved. I think back to my high school self and just smile. I have learned a lot about what I am capable of and what I can endure.
I went into college vowing not to make any friends because I didn’t want any distractions – I’ve made amazing friends every quarter I’m there, and am grateful for them – both staff and students. They have been amazing support in my education and my sanity.
There have been some devastating occurrences over the past year, some that I’m still angry/hurt over, but as far as my education goes, I have had an amazing year, and found myself in realms that I never thought possible for myself – seriously contemplating an Ivy League university, for one thing.
As my friend would point out, it’s amazing what happens when you just say yes to the Universe.