Contingency Plan is Falling Through

I had a moment of freaking out this morning. Actually, if I’m honest with myself, it’s been a long time coming of freaking out. My very dear boyfriend convinced that I should quit my job at the coffee bean warehouse—and he was right. My hip still hasn’t recovered. However, I’m still working toward paying off my credit cards, and saving up. I managed to save up one very large sum, but decide that I’d do better to just send it off to paying off one card entirely. Now I’m only working two days plus a four hour day a week, and I’m realizing that I am literally moving in six weeks.

I have nothing saved up, I haven’t paid off my credit cards in full. I only have our plane tickets and a rental car booked when we get into London. I’m really freaking out.

The initial idea, when my boyfriend convinced me to quit my job, was that he would lend me the money that he earned from fishing in Alaska (where he is now) to pay it off and get us set up in England. It’s extremely sweet, and usually I don’t like borrowing money, but he convinced me. Again, it really was necessary. My hip is still hurting me (and I’m not even 30 yet!). However, the runs haven’t been that great, and thus they haven’t been able to do very much actual fishing. He told me that it’s the worst it’s been in ten years! So he doesn’t know how much money he’ll actually be able to come back with. I’m afraid to ask if it’s going to be enough to even get us started with a place to live in the UK, never mind the rest in between.

So I’m scrambling. I applied for some temporary work at my old job working with individuals with disabilities after running into the majority of the staff and one of the directors at a wedding last week. I’m trying to pimp myself out to baby sit. I’m considering what of mine I can sell fast or what is just a waste of time that I should just donate. I’m scrambling.

I was listening to a podcast this morning, as I often do, and they were interviewing a travel writer. I thought for a second, “maybe that’s something I’ll do when I finish college, take a year off and go be a travel writer.” Then suddenly, it hit me. I am looking at being some $70k in debt just from my BA by the time I finish it. I can’t take any time off and do these things.

What have I done? How did I get to this part? Is it at all feasible for me to do the traveling I’ve wanted to do now that I’m going to have these loans?

My solution is not a pretty one. I don’t even know that I can physically do it. But my solution is to see if I can get a job in one of the canneries in Alaska next summer, perhaps make a few thousand dollars to put towards my loans and go towards the following year at school. I think that’s the only way I can do it—unless I somehow manage an amazing job when I get to England, though I think that’s less likely.

Contingency plans! Always have them! Don’t be convinced to let go of them. It’s not a lack of faith in those around you, it’s a lack of faith in life’s plot twists.

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