Edit – When I first wrote this post – it wasn’t pretty. I really didn’t have anything nice to say – it was one big wine fest. I even went so far as to hit “publish” with the entry in such a level of griping. It took me about fifteen minutes before I realized how the post sounded before I realized that I needed to re-write it.
Yes, I am stressed, yes I am exhausted, but there are things to be learned and fixed, lessons I can pass along to others who are finding themselves in a similar situation.
It’s Friday, and I have completed my last day of my first week back in school. Granted, it was only a four-day week, but none the less, a school week.
It wasn’t overly exhausting, though I feel it. I feel it in my bones, and I feel the comfort of my bed calling from 20 miles away. Home work was moderate, quite easy from what I was expecting. My Journalism class doesn’t require too much of me, my English class is Philosophy in disguise, and my Math class so far has been going over what Absolute values are (you know, how many integers from zero a number is, such as the absolute value of -3 is 3, the absolute value of 3 is also 3 – dead easy). But some how I feel stressed and on the verge of being overworked.
I have been waiting all week to hear back from my employer – potential employer? – who was meant to get ahold of me to let me know when a good day for her to meet up would be. Apparently she was waiting for me to do the same thing, I got an email from her this morning asking if I was still alright to work this weekend, that she was worried because she hadn’t heard from me.
Everything in me wanted to just call her and scream “NO! DON’T YOU KNOW I’M IN SCHOOL?!?!?”
Of course I didn’t do this. I waited until I had had a little more time to wake up, get distracted by classes to sooth the anxiety that I hadn’t realized had been building.
The whole bus ride to school, the only thing I could recognize was the amazement at my friends that juggled a full time job with full time school, or full time school with a part time job as well as being a single parent. My friends are super heroes for being able to do it all!
I wanted to call up my goat cheese lady and tell her I wasn’t the one for them, that I wouldn’t be able to give them the devotion and passion their goat cheese deserves. Working for them means that the next ten weeks I will not be able to have one morning off, one day where I can not set my alarm and just sleep. It means for the next ten weeks that my boyfriend has to work his schedule around mine, since I’m usurping his vehicle to get to and from the park and ride, to and from work. And since it will be the norm that I’ll be working by myself, a carpooling option isn’t available.
However, of course, it’t not as simple as that.
I have Unemployment to consider, for one thing.
There are solutions though. For every obstacle there is a way over, around or through it, after all.
- Find someone to stay with during the week, like a parent.
Problem: Working/Not Working
- Power through it – after all, I will more than likely have fun, I’ll just be tired while having fun.
- Tell her I can’t work – which brings up the problem of unemployment, I’m not allowed to turn down work, and I also have to be able to pay my bills. That brings me to my next solution –
- Try applying for on-campus jobs. These are more than likely going to be during the school week and since they employ students, will be flexible with schedules.
Problem: The exhaustion that won’t go away
Well, the solution is in the problem – it won’t go away. Exhaustion is part of college life. As it stands I am doing what I can by refraining from drinking and going to bed early – it’s been about 9pm that I’ve been turning in at night. I can of course do more – a good, vegetable and fruit rich diet is a good place to start. As I write this in my favorite greasy spoon, mooching internet, and maowing down on fries, I clearly have to work on that part.
It’s all an adjustment period. It’s figuring out how to manage my time and my mentality. What’s more, it’s figuring out how to manage external influences – such as my boyfriend. He has to adjust to my new focus just as I do – and I don’t mean by being flexible with his truck, either. He has to realized that school-related things come first, as does my attempt to retrain myself to be a better student.
I want to take this time to apologize to all my friends that I was the little devil on the shoulder to about coming out and partying instead of studying. I am so so sorry for trying to lead you into temptation while you were trying to focus. I have to say kudos to you every single time you turned me down and were responsible. Very very impressive!
On that note, I”mm going to take this opportunity to be cheeky and get into Netflix and start the documentary I am supposed to watch for my English class – Quantum Activist. It’s been on my list to watch for a while now, no problem.